Ink

I've started to realise that a lot of this blog (and a lot of my bucket list) is really a story of my friendships. And what I am about to write here is a mere droplet in the vast lake of my friendship with G. I never thought I would have a friend so good,...

Rejoicing

Since the start of lockdown, I've been thinking a lot about gratitude. It seems to keep cropping up in various ways in my life (obviously, as a good scientist, I attribute this to the Baader Meinhof effect, rather than a sign from the universe). I could, and probably will one day, spend a blog talking...

Press ups and procrastination

If there was an Olympic category for procrastination, I would..... think about definitely finding out about maybe entering ... and then miss the deadline. I've been putting off writing an update on my blog for so long, I've forgotten why I don't write anymore. And the longer I put it off, the harder it seems...

Free fall

Today feels quite painful. It's not a very catchy first sentence is it? Today isn't hideous or unbearable or torturous. I don't want to die. But it's painful. And that is okay. Part of the normal human experience. A sure sign that I am still alive. I'm becoming quite the connoisseur of emotions, perceiving the...

#79

Some bucket list items are small and can be knocked off in an afternoon, some are a little bit longer in the making.  So it is for #79 - Run a Marathon. Although, technically, the actual running did just take a few hours (no, I'm not going to say how many). I've got to be...

Bucket lists, bonus items and …… Brazil nuts

It’s been a little while since I last wrote a blog post and I’m feeling a bit out of the rhythm. I thought I would ease myself back in gently by just updating my progress on The Bucket List. The bucket list is, to some extent, why I haven’t posted in a while – like...

I went to Wales, oh yes I D.I.D.

I do love a good pun. D.I.D, as I have mentioned before, stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder. It’s been a bit of a feature for me over the last couple of weeks. Upon contemplation, I have decided that it sucks. However (always looking for the positives), it is about a billionty times better than clinical...

And…. I’m back in the room

Gosh, it’s nice not being depressed.  It happened in the course of about half an hour the other evening and has been holding strong (barring a few hours this afternoon - a blip, I hope - thank you A~ for listening to me and picking me back up) for 4 days now (everyone touch wood,...

Art, altruism and food

I’ve been questioning the bucket list idea a bit lately, wondering why I am doing it.  Is it a mere distraction from pain?  If it is, then maybe that is okay, maybe that is the best I can hope for right now.  But I want it to serve another purpose as well - to help...

Pros and cons – a letter to my future self

Trigger warning: Contains discussion about advantages and disadvantages of suicide Mum “So, what was your homework from DBT this week?” Me (cheerfully) “To write a list of pros and cons of killing myself.” Mum “Oh” So, I guess that probably isn’t a common mother/daughter Wednesday night phone call.  But seriously, what does she think we...